


Don't Let Go

by Virtual_Reality



Series: Steve and Bucky through the years [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Bathing/Washing, Best Friends, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Lots of kissing, M/M, Making Out, Naked Cuddling, Panic Attacks, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Self-Acceptance, Sleepy Cuddles, Steve Feels, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:17:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3667257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virtual_Reality/pseuds/Virtual_Reality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Second part of NSFW OTP Challenge. These parts are written chronologically for those just joining us. Feel free to start here, or jump over and read Melt first. I can't tell you how to live your life.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Don't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of NSFW OTP Challenge. These parts are written chronologically for those just joining us. Feel free to start here, or jump over and read Melt first. I can't tell you how to live your life.

Bucky sat on the edge of the tub, balancing Steve's weight as he checked the tap. The water was lukewarm, not hot, but Steve was so cold, that any degree of heat would seem like flames on his skin.

Steve didn't have the strength to undress himself, let alone put up a fight when Bucky's hands started pulling his clothes off, balancing the two of them with some difficulty. Bucky was already mostly stripped, so it took little effort to rid himself of the last of his clothes.

Steve kept mumbling to him while Bucky worked, things like, "M'fine, Buck," and "Jus' tired, lemme sleep." A few times his consciousness slipped away, but Bucky always brought him back around within a few minutes, much to Steve's distaste, "Bucks," Steve groaned, "Lemme sleep."

Carefully. So carefully, with Steve tucked against his chest, weak and trembling, though Steve himself didn't seem to notice, Bucky stepped into the tub, easing himself, and Steve into the water's mild, but warm embrace.

Steve flinched, but Bucky held him still, Steve leaned his head against Bucky's shoulder, "You don't gotta- You worry too much, Buck. I'm fine."

"Steve, listen, you aren't thinking right."

"M'fine," Steve disagreed, first nuzzling into Bucky's neck, then lifting his hand to rub at his face, and when he realized it was wet, he looked around himself, unreasonably surprised, "Why're we in th' bath?"

"Because, you're freezing Steve."

"I'm fine." Steve let his head loll against Bucky's shoulder.

"No, you're numb, and you're going to be in a lot of trouble if we can't get you warm."

"But why're you in th' bath?" Steve traced an icy finger over Bucky's collarbone.

"Because I can't trust you to stay awake. You need me here. I'm not gonna let you go, Steve. So quit your squirming." Bucky's fingers curled around Steve's wrist, checking his heart rate. His pulse was weak, and slow, keeping time with the shallowness of Steve's breaths.

Bucky doesn't know what possessed Steve to be out today, it was pouring down rain, and next to freezing. If anything, he should have phoned Bucky to come over. Steve was moving in with him for sure now. Bucky can't handle this.

Bucky knew it would take a long time for Steve to get warm as it had to be done slowly, but tried to stay calm, stroking Steve's hair gently, listening to his mumbling. He had Steve keep talking to remain conscious, though his confusion frustrated him.

"God, 'm sleepy."

"You have to stay awake for me, babydoll."

"I know," Steve yawned, he turned his head, and placed two kisses on Bucky's jaw, then made a face, "You..." He sighed weakly "Don' call me babydoll."

"Oh, Steve. You're an idiot."

Steve's brows furrowed, "Wha'd I do? Sorry, Buck."

"No, none of that. We're fine, Steve. You're going to be fine." Bucky said firmly, but there was an edge to his voice.

"You mad at me?"

"No, Steve, I'm not mad. Just a bit shaken... I'm scared. I can't lose you, Steve." His voice broke, and he pressed his face in Steve's hair. "I love you too much, and I can't lose you."

"I'm fine, Buck." Steve whispers, though his lips are almost blue, and his skin is whiter than Bucky's ever seen it.

Steve curled against him, looking small and fragile, and that only made Bucky hold him tighter, Steve was too precious to him for something like this to happen... He just had to be okay...

Steve voice was a breath when he spoke, "Would a- would a kiss make it better?" His lips curl in a half smirk, and his eyes open, just a fraction, brows raised.

Bucky exhaled a sharp laugh, too harsh, and emotional, and he tried to keep his tears at bay. Steve was going to be fine. He had to be.

Steve lips touched Bucky's collarbone, too cold, quivering against his skin. Then, he tilted his head back, waiting until Bucky brought his lips close enough, held both in the grasp of worry, and anticipation as his mouth hovered above Steve's. Steve pressed a kiss there gently, lingering until he felt him respond, "M'sorry."

"Don't apologize." Bucky let his lips touch Steve's once more, heart clenching strangely, and he brushed Steve's damp hair away from his forehead, "Please don't."

"Love you," Steve whispered, "Don't wan' you t' be scared..."

"It's okay, Steve."

"M'still sorry."

"You can make it up to me later - with those kisses you promised. Yeah?"

Steve smiled, his face flushing slightly, he tilted his face up, and puckered his lips childishly.

Bucky laughed, and a few tears escaped. He can't lose Steve. He doesn't have the strength. His hands are a little shaky, he notices, but for a completely different reason than Steve's. He tucked a stray section of hair behind Steve's ear, leaning forward to let their lips touch briefly.

Steve hummed tiredly, somehow finding the strength to stretch up, wanting more of the feeling of Bucky's mouth on his, but the water was too slippery, and he can't hold himself up, and their kiss broke too soon.

Bucky, who was infinitely more sober in his thinking, drew Steve into his lap and held him. Steve made a pleased sound, leaning into his chest, then another when Bucky's heavy arms rested around his body. Once he settled, he let himself relax. He could feel the warmth of Bucky's breath caress his face, and he sighed, content.

As Steve warmed, he gained the strength to pull himself up higher, straddle Bucky's hips, and then, finally, he can reach Bucky's lips on his own. He kissed him, small kisses at first, his soft full lips gaining back their pretty pink color, and warmth. When he gathered his wits enough to give him a proper kiss, he curled his fingers around Bucky's neck, and tried a slow, gentle kiss, nibbling at his lips until Bucky responded. Then, deepening it. Just for a minute.

"How was that?" Steve sounded breathless, and Bucky knew he wasn't quite strong enough to be kissing him like that. Still, Bucky rubbed his back soothingly, dropping a kiss in his hair, always tolerant and supportive of his efforts.

"You might need to try again, I can't taste your sincerity yet."

In hindsight, Bucky should've chosen different words, because Steve had a horrible competitive streak, and he'd suffocate himself before he'd admit defeat. Steve's hands cupped his face, determined, and he kissed him again. His lips were slow, and sweet, and Bucky let him have whatever he wanted, kissing back with the same unspoken desire.

This was as close as Bucky had ever been to being content with his urges. Kissing Steve. Gradually, they had become comfortable with kissing one another on the lips. Steve was more cautious than he was, and while a quick kiss or two on occasion was almost normal, he was so afraid, he'd never let the kisses linger for more than a few seconds. It was a pity he was so tightly strung, because Bucky just wants him so bad. He figures Steve's father screwed him up worse than he thought. He can't reason out any other possibilities. He knows Steve wants him, but Steve, for years, had been denying the feeling, and it was a painful cycle to break.

Steve had panicked one night, it scared Bucky to death. To see him like that. Hyperventilating, staring at his reflection in the mirror with such venom. Crying and screaming, showing all the emotion he'd tucked away through so much pain and heartache. He'd even vomited, twice, and Bucky was so worried about him. His blood pressure, and heart conditions... This had continued until he pushed himself into an asthma attack, where Bucky rushed in and helped him. After that, he'd cleaned himself up, apologized quietly, and curled up alone on the couch, crying softly until he was asleep.

Bucky never did ask what it was all about. Nervous breakdowns aren't a thing they talk about. It usually ends up in bickering, and with Steve's blood pressure... His heart couldn't handle it.

Things changed after that. Steve was different. He'd finally been healed, but not in the way he expected. Instead, he was at peace. Accepting what he felt, and what he wanted, and who he was, and to Bucky, Steve was a thousand times more attractive when he wasn't afraid of himself - of the things he wanted. He was affectionate in ways Bucky hadn't known, passionate in ways Bucky wanted to know, playful in a way he knows every day, and Bucky falls impossibly deeper in love with him. They talked about things now. Not everything, but they weren't afraid of their own, or each other's feelings. Not anymore.

One after another, in the warmth of the bath, their kisses became gradually deeper, and Bucky pulled him a little closer, wanting more, feeling Steve's small frame pressed so fully against him. His lips, full, and moist, and soft, slanting against his easily. It came to him naturally - as easy as breathing. They moved in tandem, as fluidly as music, as though they were always meant to be together like this. Two halves of a whole. Bucky's hands stroked Steve's face, his cheeks, his neck... Softly, sweetly, tenderly, trying to keep him calm, and Steve's hands rested still on Bucky's chest: small, and still a bit cold.

They broke apart, and Bucky shifted him higher, wanting. His hands cupping Steve's ass, and he let his lips trail over Steve's neck, then attaching his mouth to his collarbone, sucking a rosy bruise on his creamy pale skin, earning a delicate shiver, and a soft moan.

The sound was enough to startle him, and he knows better than this, really, but it's hard to remember when Steve's hands are tangled in Bucky's hair like that, and he arched to get closer. It was really just a game of waiting before they took another step, to see who gave in first. "Can we get out of the bath?" Steve whispers.

Bucky pulled away, just barely, still giving licks, and kisses to his neck, catching his teeth on the edge of his collarbone, because he craves him, and he can't get enough... "Are you warm enough?"

"Yes, Buck," Steve pressed his palms to his chest, but they still felt a little too cold to Bucky.

Bucky sat up, and turned on the faucet, letting some warmer water add to the lukewarm tub, "Few more minutes," he murmured, leaning back, he really needed to stay calm, at least for Steve's sake. He made Steve lie still, and when he squirmed for another kiss, Bucky's hands grasped his wrists, pulling them down beneath the water to rest on his stomach, sandwiched between their bodies.

Bucky cradled Steve to his chest, earning a grumpy pout. He knows Steve doesn't like it when Bucky is gentle with him, but Bucky needs this. He wants to hold Steve - know he's safe.

He kisses the pout away from Steve's lips, "Please, be still. Let me hold you." Bucky whispered, and Steve's expression softened, his jaw slackened a little, and he rested his head on Bucky's shoulder.

Steve understands, Bucky's always like this when he gets hurt real bad. Steve knows he scared him. Probably came closer to death than he thought... Which, as normal as a thought that was for Steve. Bucky was always shaken when it got that close.

He pressed his lips to Bucky's neck, and hoped he understood. Understood that Steve was sorry, that he knew he had needs, and that he loved Bucky, and respected him, and his needs. He trailed the kisses up his neck until Bucky leaned down, and claimed his lips.

As Steve relaxed for him, their kisses became easier, slower, fluid. Practically making out with him now, slow, and lazy, and comfortable. Bucky, reclining against the edge of the tub; Steve, resting limply against his chest, his arms hooked around Bucky's neck and shoulders, holding himself high enough to keep their mouths close.

They were silent, save the wet sounds of their kissing, lost in the sounds of the freezing rain pouring down outside, and the quiet splash of the warm water around them with every shift of their limbs.

They kissed like they didn't care if it ever moved any further than this, like this was all that mattered to them, and, in a way, it was.

Bucky draped his arms around Steve's waist, feeling drowsy with the steady flow of quiet pleasure. He could feel the texture of Steve's lips, softer than his own, sweeter, luring him deeper into this sleepy trance with each gentle pass. His lips tingle from all the kissing, but it's what he wants. It's so leisure, small pauses allowing for a breath, and they don't stop, they don't have to. Carefully, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve, lifting him as he stood. Water dripped freely down their bodies and they dry each other off at their own pace, sharing the same lazy kisses as they go.

The transition to the bedroom was merely a change in scenery.

An arm around Steve's back holds him close, and Bucky can feel the press of Steve's ribs too close to the surface. The quilt is heavy over his body, encouraging him not to move, and he can't imagine how it must feel over Steve's tiny body. He imagined it must feel wonderful. Like a soft, warm hug.

They kiss past the point of adrenaline, past arousal, past the blind throes of lust, and hormones, and passion to where this quiet hazy pleasure settles them in for gentle, contented cuddles and endless kissing. They're both soft, and giving, and Bucky hums a pleased sound into his mouth, the falling rain swallowing the noise completely. Steve responds with a quiet sigh that made his whole body relax.

The leg Bucky hooks around Steve's waist almost goes unnoticed, as does the one Steve slips between his thighs. They weren't blind and hasty, they accepted each feeling as it came, and let it pass just as subtly. Heartbeats that were once quick, slowed into a steadier, calmer rhythm, and their breathing evened out in a series of slow, sleepy kisses that allowed them to enjoy each other in an innocence that Bucky hadn't known with anyone else. He liked it.

The sleepier he got, the heavier his body seemed to be, and at some point, they stopped kissing, but he doesn't remember when, but Steve's face is tucked in Bucky's neck now, and it's nice, and they breathe together, listening to the sounds of the soft rain tapping against their window, until, together, they drifted off.

Maybe they would have to hide forever, but maybe, it would be worth it.


End file.
